Dear Tennis Shoes – I’m Sorry

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Dear Tennis Shoes,

It has been 4 weeks since I last wore you.  Please forgive me.

I don’t know how it happened.  I used to wear you 4-5 times a week.  I paid attention to you.  I was proud to wear you.  I made time for you.  I cared for you…I swear I still do!  I used to pick out outfits to match you.  I had charms that I happily wore on your laces to show my pride for our last run.

I have wronged you.  Please forgive me.  It’s not you…it’s me.  I have no excuses.

Well, I could probably come up with a long list of excuses:

• I got busy
• The house is a mess
• The kids had more activities
• The kids homework got harder
• My living room still has a cement floor
• I have been doing too much
• The laundry never seems to be done
• My sink is still full of dishes
• Dinner has to be made
• Lunches have to be packed

It’s not you, it’s me.

Honestly, my life really hasn’t changed dramatically in the last 4 weeks, in fact I would say it’s about the same.  I don’t all of a sudden have more dishes, more laundry, more meals to make, and more activities.

Do you want to know the truth?  Well, here it is.  I am discouraged.  Discouraged to the point of acting childish. Sadie (my youngest) is 6 years old and I have weighed the same for 6 YEARS.  I run, I bike, I swim, I Jazzercise, I watch what I eat.  And I have not lost a pound.  Not one folks.  For SIX YEARS.  Don’t give me the line that muscle weighs more than fat…I know that.  Lord knows I have told that to myself a hundred times.  But for six years I have worked my butt off…have run 13.1 MILES twice and not lost one pound.  I have switched up my routines, I have done soooooo so much.  And I am hurt.  I am sad.  I am sad that those tennis shoes haven’t given me one POUND off.  So, I boycotted you, tennis shoes.  I’m not saying it was right, but that’s what I did.

And do you want to know the kicker?!  Someone asked me last week if I lost weight – they said I looked thinner!  Normally that would be a compliment that would make me happy, but after knowing that I haven’t worked out in 4 weeks it just makes me MAD.  Yes, MAD.  So, my dear tennis shoes – I will tell you – I am MAD at you too!

I don’t understand why you don’t help me lose weight.  I don’t understand what you may have against me.

But, I do understand that I am mad at me too.  I understand that these 4 weeks I have not given me the attention I deserve.  So, not only have I wronged you, dear tennis shoes, by ignoring you all this time, but I have wronged me.  I know that when I wear you, I feel better about myself.  When I wear you, I know I am giving me 30-60 minutes of me time.  When I am wearing you, I am keeping myself healthy.  When I wear you, I am a happier version of me.  So, even though that damn number on the scale NEVER moves, I know when I wear you…I am doing what is right by me.

So I ask of you dear tennis shoes, please forgive me and know that I am aware of my ways and I am planning RIGHT NOW to right my wrongs.

Dear Tennis Shoes, I am sorry.  Dear Tennis Shoes, it’s not you, it is me.  Dear Tennis Shoes, please forgive me.  Dear Tennis Shoes, I promise to be a better friend….a better me.

Dear ME, I promise I will try not to be so hard on myself.  Dear ME, I promise to read what I just typed….